Transformation

Every morning of my recent “adventure against all fear” I laid on the floor and looked out this skylight. 
Every morning this window was a moment holder and a change highlighter. 
Every morning I would lay and listen to birds sing and I knew that I had made it to another morning, alive again. 
Fay Weldon says “All the best transformations are accompanied by pain. That’s the point of them.” Transformation cycles and it is slow (slower than you know) and it can hurt. 
Every morning as I lay there, my body reminding me with its aches and pains, gut grumbles and a flush face of what is true. 
It took me 19 months to be able to explore an unfamiliar place alone again. 
I am proud to say I did it. 
I did it standing in my own two feet, I did it by holding fear in my backpack and walking my heart head on into the unknown. I did it by getting lost, feeling panic and finding my way. 
I couldn’t have done it without my partner, my family and all of my friends. 
I couldn’t have done it without Mother Nature and all her grace. 
I couldn’t have done it and will not continue without courage, courage that only love can build.